Why I Couldnot........

I was young.Looking forward to a promising future.Then 1 day my elder sister told me that i was destined to be something Bbbbiigggg.Now, i don't know about you but i used to and still believe what ever she said and says.Like,she told me before the aforesaid statement that i was Very handsome.Resultant i must have missed being part of half a dozen love stories; i was too handsome for being in them etc.Then my Dear Didi told me i was a GENIUS.Now that was a cracker of a combination,Handsome and a Genius.So few more embryonic love stories bit dust and I kept moving forward.If not half a league half a league at a time then at least half a dream half a dream and for sure into the VALLEY OF DEATH of my, could have been Love Stories.AND THEN...
 came this thunderbolt which seemed to have been written by some great Seer in ancient times in some kind of sansikritised hyrioglyphics which only a certain equally great Seer of present day could decipher ,of course on payment of a certain Fee ( paid by my loving Didi and told to me).THAT I WAS GOING TO BE BIG.
I was mesmerized by this great realization that my yet to become great name was already known to someone in prehistoric or nearer home in so called Vedic times . But more Endearing that I was to become something Biiiiigg.
This was the time when i had reached marriageable age.But..... no one seemed to be throwing their daughters at me nor had i been kidnapped by any bunch of beauties.Then they made me join a job in which one of the unwritten rules was "No Feminine Form (of any specie)Allowed in Vicinity".With no love stories in sight, i threw myself into the new job, waiting each day for the prophecy of becoming Biiigg come true.Now we had the Lethal combination of Handsome Genius with Biigg written all over him: ME.I am sure i did think of my Bosses as the inferior specimens of my( oh no!) specie who someday would tell tales of how they had been at one time been in the presence of THE GREAT ME.I excused them their ignorance and waited for the great DAY.
AND then it HAPPENED.I came across this nerdy looking doctor woman Now these "Doctresses" are allowed everywhere,their SEX not withstanding, hence her presence in  A NO DAMES ALLOWED AREA.She said Hi, I said HAI and then this female had the audacity to vanish.............for 1.............0 dddddddddddaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyys.Handsome Genius Going to be Great me was restless.What gumption?To vanish after saying Hi to The Great Me!!!!
ELEVENTH DAY.She came back. I saw her and forgot all that my sister, the seer, the prophecy had said.Rest is History as is generally said. I MANAGED to somehow get married to this cute confident yet shy beautiful brilliant professional from the field of medicine.Few months passed and I actually did become

BBBIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
Around the WAIST.
She had been told by her grandmother it seems; the way to a man's heart is through his STOMACH. Ayyiyo Ammumma ,WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?
I think the prophecy will have to wait  another round of my going and coming.Till then one would have to be satisfied with my having become someTHING Big rather than SOMEONE.

Chasing

Spent a lifetime chasing deadlines,goals,others aspirations for me. Achieved a bit by the world's standards.Future is chalked out for me. All I have to do is tow the line; Do all the proper things, say all that I am supposed to say, when I am supposed to say and to the right person and rt person alone. THEN I shall be successful. This never relenting SUCCESSOMETRE  will be placed next to my pyre too. All the WITNESSES will either be crying ( u c dere successometre is also ticking) or cluck clucking either in praise( ref succ.....tre) or on the sly( metre should not catch u c)  saying something well deservedly nasty.
But what the hell am i doing in all this.Agreed I am no saint or faqir; I love good cars, i like having sufficient money,love all the good things of life but then to achieve those and be able to enjoy those I have to play by the rules of the SUCCESSOTHON.Catch 22 .
When wiil I get to do what I want? Now so much of time has passed since I first wanted IT that I have forgotten what was IT?Ishould be relieved BUT I am not. Even changed " what I want" many times over but could not give a slip to the RULES OF SUC.......
And I am supposedly the main character in this. Captain of my ship, master of my destiny.
Either all those BIGGIES who wrote it and left it for the likes of me were appropriate liars high on S SCALE  LATER  admired by  a large  MASS  who wanted to be at least halfway up the Scale OR
I AM FROM MARS.I have at BEST BEEN AN INTERSTED SPECTATOR TO MY OWN LIFE.
Ghalib wrote " Hota Hai Zabeen Roz Tamasha Mere Aage". That seems to have been 1 guy who didn't bother 4 de metre.Let me try emulating his guts for the evening.
 I will  prepare my first drink of the evening and for a little while put THE MMMM...... AWAY. Far enough that its ticking doesn't bother me and  the SCORE  doesn't matter .